I am still trying to figure out who I am. I am trying to understand why I have been unwell for so long and how to reconcile my past, with all its darkness, pain and trauma, with new hope and a vision of a better future for myself. I know I can’t live anyone’s life but my own. I just don’t know how to do that yet. I want to feel like I belong in the world. I want to know what it is like to live intentionally, purposefully and progressively. I want to uncover the reasons why I have been holding myself back, and what lies at the root of my negative beliefs and intrusive thoughts. I want to know why I have feared happiness and believed only in self-hatred and destruction. I want to know what has kept me from feeling worthy of life. I want to know what it is to truly be me, in a mind that is free from darkness and pain.  I want to heal, move forward, and finally come alive.